no..i am not...

its gloomy out
so is my mood.
a down day
more like
down moment.

i just sit
and i wonder
and i think
and i just
dont understand
what it is
i am
supposed
to be.

if i could
step out
of my body
be the fly
that broke in
watching me
judging me
examining me
analyzing
intrepretting
the things
i can not
stop doing
always
doing.

when people
constantly
cant quite
figure you out
at some point
you must say
hmmm
thats a lot of them
and only one of me
so maybe
what it is
is right here
within.

but
i
like
me.
mostly.

i am sweet
and yet
bitter
say some.
i am giving
yet then
accused
of taking.
i am everything
and at the same time
i am nothing.
anything.
something
someday
hopefully
must be
waiting
patiently
is it
honestly
is it
free?

like the
lovers quarral
one big burst
a moment
never to be
taken back.
a moment
to linger
and tear
creating
fear
questioning
what is
the love
the lust
the desire
between
the two.

today
i am
just
gloomy
like the sky
but
as i see
the sun
make its way
heating up
clouds vanishing
gloom ending
the opening
the sunshine
the heat
the light
the love
warming
me
my body
my spirits
my mind.

i just
need
to find
my purpose
my reason
my need
stick to it
nothing
in the way
destiny
awaits.