...keepin cool...

sometimes
it
just
sucks
having
to
keep
it
cool.

stress. i think i figured it out
that is what
i hide
and am
not
intouch with.

because
i never really "feel" stressed
its not really an emotion
and feeling
that i can pinpoint
yet
how
can i
not be
with all
that happens?

so, maybe
it is the stress
hidden
and popping out
with certain things
i do
that i
dont get.

the unconscious
subconscious
controlling
consciously.

everyone
is always
stressed
but i
dont ever
say
that i
am stressed.
people expect me to be
but i dont express it.
or do i?

first year of school
came and went
the toughest
most stressful
of the three
yet
all along
stressed
i was not.
then again
writing papers
nights before
studying for finals
all night through
is that you stress
driving me
fueling me

people stress me out
that is for sure
thats why
i have
so few
people

i can not function
when there is no balance
in the relationships
friendships
family
that i
call
my own.

maybe
i should
be stressed more
than
i wouldnt
have to
try
so hard
to keep it cool

so much focus
concern
fear
letting my needs
my obligations
my self
come first
at the expense
of others
not worrying
that they have
their happy
even though
it equates
my own
happy.

i can not
say no
because
it doesnt
go
with me.
i say no
only
when
i think
it
affects
you.
you say no
because
you
misread
me.

my biggest struggle
i always said
was me
i am
my own
worst enemy
and now
its done
i am
taking
control
no more
war
within
between
self
now
its just
me
and my line
my goal
my word.

i
am
keepin
it cool
and now
i wont
just keep it
i will free it
and escape
cool
hot
just
as meant
to be.