one without the breaks

emotions. thousands. ever feel like your mind is just so overloaded that it feels numb. all your neurons firing at warp speed. thoughts just blurred. you want to cry and yet feel happy. you want to smile but feel pain. maybe, its just, wanting to feel. emotions. that is the word to label feelings. but, what is the feeling. is it the actual physical feeling your body is stimulated by, or is it the ripple that runs to your brain and creates emotion. if you do not show emotion, do you not feel? and if you feel, do you always show emotion? There must be a sixth sense. Something to fit heartbreak, pain, fear, and all our other emotions into. after all, we do feel them. but ive never touched anger, and yet i always hold optimism. this untouchable reality. feelings. how can you not beleive in their existence. yet, you do not see, hear, touch, smell or taste them. so, with every emotion, any emotion, when we experience them, we are believing in something untouchable. unreachable. yet, real. therefore, believe in faith, believe in love, believe in all the emotions. they are real. even if you can not see them. meanwhile, i'll be going through the cycle of continuing exploration of the thousands of emotions and feelings, most of which i can not name. peace. love. truth. have a super weekend. happy birthday to my special little man.

midterm mania

something
is seriously
the matter
when
nothing
especially
important
somethings
matters.

exams
tension
or pressure
whatever it is
what you do with it
is what
matters.

i wonder
what it is
will become
of me
and how
i will
get there
do i matter
how will i matter
matter
matter
matter.

how can
i make
myself
care
and make
things matter
when
i am
happy
no
matter
what.

am i happy
is the bigger
question
and that
does matter.

so
maybe
i must
look into
what
happy is
and what
it means
to be
happy.

i want those rules
so i can see
if i apply them
to me
what will
the conclusion
be
and will
it really
matter.

happy
to me
is content
satisfied
pleased
and loved
and
never
wondering
wishing
crying
for more.

the only
thing
more
that i want
i know
will
come
to me
with time
work
energy
and age.

so
they do
matter
but i know
it will matter
when the time
comes
and until
then
i must not
worry
or wonder
but just
take care
of my matter
now
here
today.

so tomorrow
it wont matter
what i could have
should have
didnt
do
today.

because
bottom line
it does
matter
even
if what matters
is that
it doesnt.

britney

i dont believe
they gave him
the kids.
seriously?
how come he never
fought so hard
for his other kids?
jackass

they articles state
that britney
is
confused
what the
confusion?
she is only
confused
because those around her
just enjoy
drinking
from
the money
fountain
the her
tears
provide.

she seriously
honestly
immediatly
needs
not a rehab
only
for herself
but a rehab
of all
the people
she has
around her.

after all
she is only in her 20's
how can everyone
expect
a mother of two
with the only
experience
of being
a teenage
heartthrob.

she
is
just a
girl.

and the boys
they sure
know
how to
hurt her.

i dont believe
in all the community
who
has the ability
to reach her
no one
has successfully
awakened her.

the reach
of
evil
must be
strong
in her
circuit.

i am hoping
waiting
for great
things
to come
of her
to her
but for now
i am hoping
someone
thinks
outside of
britney
and
kfed
and thinks
of two little boys
whose world
is always
inside
out
and
whose existence
is merely
a commodity
to another.

the entire story
reaks
of abused
trust
confidence
love

i hope
balance
is found
and
soon.

inspiration

is so hard to come by.

to inspire
me
you must be
everything
that i would be
but further down
the road
inspiring.

an artist
creates
one of the greatetst
inspirations
and when i say
artist
of any form

(some definitions, that were not about specific 'arts')

artist

noun
a person whose creative work shows sensitivity and imagination

A person whose work shows exceptional creative ability or skill

so, if they fit
into the above
then
they are
the artist
i speak of.

[was completly interrupted... so back to where i was...]

every artist
creates
one thing
in common
and that is
inspiration.

there are levels of inspiration
and if you think you are at the lowest
remember
always
that everything you do
anything you do
may
could
can
inspire.

i guess
what makes
someone seem
more inspirational
is the number of people
they have
claiming
inspiration.

in order
to gain
numbers
one
must gain
popularity.
something
today
made to seem
so wrong.
popularity is not wrong.
but
popularity is not right.

in 7th grade
fresh to the beautiful
california
and
america
new ideas
concepts
reality
i saw a poster
made no sense
like a riddle
that i was
yet
to decipher.

it said
what is popular
is not always right
and
what is right
is not always popular
isnt that amazing.
and slowly
i started to figure it out
back then
popular
was what i thought
would make me happy
and i would
have continued
on my path
of destruction
misery
and deceit.

but i was blessed
an angel
saved me
and
that angel
i married
and love
to eternity
until the coming
of the Meshiach.
B"H
and forever
in the garden
of eden.

(~ excuse the moment of digression for my love note...)

so
i now
although
young
to some
and for many years
have felt
so proud
for understanding
remembering
that riddle
that moral
of the story.

so as far as inspiration
although few affect me
enough to inspire
those who do
inspire me
to be better
stronger
and believe
in me
and my
fight
for
equal.

popular is not wrong.
but with popular
comes
great
responsibility
and control
lets take back
popular
lets take back control
popular vote
does
can
will
change.

i strive to inspire
one at a time
growing
naturally
i too
inspire.
i accept
that
responsibility
and pray
for the ability
to do it
Right.

inspire.

games

i have been thinking
about bloggin
this title
for days now
i even started the blog
this am
but then, decided
nevermind

well, ive redecided
and i definitly
do
mind.

i begin
with a concession
that i
as a human
am sure
that i myself
engage
in many
games.

but
i feel
im usually
on the defense
thrown into a game
and everybody's game
is so different
some use die
some colored pawns
either way
im not always sure
of the rules
the goal
and why exactly
we are even
playing
games.

i want honesty
i want to talk
i want to be understood
im sick of
being
misinterpreted
attacked
and misread.

the problem is
these games
are all around me
so i must wonder
is my subconscious
truly
the master mind
behind
all the games
and therefore
i myself
am really
the aggressor??

possibly.
but not
intentionally.

"i believe in love
please send me love
and i will try again..."

sorry, broke out into song.

but its true
i believe in love
i believe in peace
i believe in solutions
i dont like
to be mad
to be sad
to be hurt

i dont want to play
these mind games
crazy trips
of emotion
i would rather
a game
where everyone is aware
we are playing
involved
and cooperating
and then
we can enjoy
each other
our life
and
the game.

i just want peace
i want love
i want to share it
and enjoy it
with those
i love

i want to be
understood
and loved
is that so much
to ask for
in this game
of life?