i never learn...

and i really should.

i dont want to say anything
talk is cheap
say all you want
its what you do that counts.

i need to go do now.

i did want to say though
apparently
i blogged how gas prices
are rising
and nothing being done
hiliary must read my blogs
cause now theres going to be
some gas holiday
sounds gross
a ploy probably
who cares
somebody
do something
take their billions in profits
and make them pay
so we dont have to
sounds good.

why?

why...

do we live in a country
where there is war
where gas prices rise and nothing is said
when children are homeless and hungry
when nothing is done

why...
meanwhile
are we in other countries
causing worse chaos
than our streets
so as to show us
how much "better" we have it
at least we have sidewalks
someone told me
one of those light bulb moments
to the perception of another

why...
do children
get to decide
what they want
and
why...
do parents
believe love
can only be shown
with $$ signs
and forget affection
discipline
and values
go much further than
an iphone.

why...
do i feel this way
and see it like this
when the masses
so many others
are blind
oblivious
and follow
seeking their happiness
buying it glass by glass
night by night
social social social
butterflies.

why...
though
am i
the one
who is happy
and free
and accepting
of my love
my faith
my days.

why...
are there always
more questions
than answers
and does that mean
my answers
get to be right
if we do not know
that they are wrong?

cheating myself

i have never felt
proud
or glad
and have neer easily
admitted
that i skate by
right on by
playing it cool
all the while
cheating myself

i have never felt
compelled
to compete
to be the best
somehow
i always knew
that was not my role
not my place
i am glad to be #2
content
i am who i am
placing top
does not change it.

i have never felt
that i was a failure
because i always knew
what i wanted
and achieved it
nonetheless.
i have made it where i am
that must mean something.

but

i have never felt
that all this time
it was me
who was being cheated
i said it
i thought
i understood it
but really
i never felt it.

**** AND NOW ****

now i know
now i realize
i can not go back
i can not change it
but i can move forward
i can learn from it.

what is lost is lost
and can not be undone
there is no undo button
in the game of life.

waking up
each day
knowing what will get done
must get done
should get done
needs to be enough.
no more hacking with my life
no more skating along.

i am to be great
i may not be top
but i will create change
i will fight hard
and
i will be dedicated
i will be committed
and i will always love.

today
this all begins
with me
within
and around
starting with
con law.