atoms and space

btw...

the awakening finally hit stores.
everyone should get a copy.

the photo
is of a moment
i wanted to share
with anyone
who would care

the beauty of light
is that it affects
everything around
and if you dont look
you may miss
the beauty
behind the shade
or be blinded
by the falsity

i call this
the WaSU tree
of wisdom
;)

detox

starting friday (some crazy person put it in a book taht u should start on fridays so that once u get through the weekend, its smooth sailing....)

so, starting friday.... i am doing this body detox program.

eating veggies, seeds, oats and nuts. and fruits. sounds like a fiesta bowl to me.

supposedly once i detox my body i will feel better, etc. etc.

i am doing it mostly to be a supportive wife
but also
because i think this will be good
28 days of being challenged
and having to stick to something
discipline
and all that stuff
ive never been good at

i am excited
and i have a determined partner
to stick through it with
yay!!!

so anyways
its 28 days detox
than
28 days "energize"
and then i think 28 days fitness....

so... that brings us to the greatest time of year.. my birthday holiday month... and then we get to relax, feel good, and enjoy!!!

the tides are changing
and the ripples
are creating waves

i am so excited for what is ahead.
different than ever before
growing together
and making our unit
a stronger
better
one.

i dont believe im going to be eating lots of green stuff.
but on the plus side
at least we are finally getting a juicer!!

twisted

is the world.

twisted
is my word.

its a dance
between
you
and me
figuring
out
what it is
we mean
everytime
we speak
and
everytime
we meet.
dancing
sometimes
slow
sometimes
fast
together
apart
moving left
right
all about
as we lose
each other
on
the dance
floor.

mirrors
reflect
but if
you
twist
the mirror
bend it
here
there
images
distorted
perception
deceived
and suddenly
what you see
is not
what
you get.

i prefer
to avoid
mirrors
because
i know
i see
with biased
eyes
i do not
deny it
but i do know
that when
i avoid
the mirror
what i see
will be
influenced
more with
my other
senses
than
the powerful
mighty
eye.

school
twisted
life
twisted
family
twisted
not
twisted
is my
faith
dreams
belief
desire.

truth
keeps
the path clear
and avoids
the twisted
map
of
peace
happiness
and light.

its not about
if i
am ok
its about
are you
and
are you
with
me.

yom kippur

i dont know how
to find
all the people
not that
there are
many
but nonetheless
those people
who i may
need
to ask
forgiveness
and even
those
who dont
i still
want to
just in case

so
i will
put it out here
on my blog
to the world
the people
to you
i am sorry
for anything
conscious
intentional
or not
that i may
have done
said
thought
to harm
hurt
pain
you.

i will go
tonight
after my meal
and begin
my fast
and any
hunger
that i feel
shall be
a desire
that
i need
to fill
with G-d
Hashem
with prayer
blessings
forgiveness

i
forgive
those
both
in my world
and out of it
the known
and
the unknown
no boundry
no border
culture
language
all barriers
broken
because
peace
knows
no
creed
race
color.

peace is universal
and when i
ask
for peace
happiness
love
and success
i ask
for it
to not
come
at the price
of peace
justice
or value
to humankind
the world
each other.

thank you
for
fogiving me
i hope
to do better
in the year to come
in everyway
all ways
true
to my
heart
love
commitment
and dreams.

i especially
want to
say
sorry
to my soul mate
who as
my other half
must always
constintly
deal
with what
before
was only
i
alone
facing
confronting.
thank you
for your
patience
trust
and
always
being
my guiding
light
and shining
bright
keeping me
safe
along
my way.
my partner
for life
besheret.

have
an easy
fast
not
that
any
fast
is easy

and may
you too
be inscribed
in the book
of
life.
*amen*
B"H

dreamz

funny.
not related to my previous thought
yet has the same idea
dreams.

vivid dreams
sometimes
keep my
brain
awake
all night
hardly sleeping
sleeping hard
another place
my mind engaged
all my senses
my
subconscious
awake
as i
peacefully
sleep.
my slumber
my rest
my id.

interpretation
has always
fascinated me
i remember
being young
seeing my dads
dream book
trying to look through it
figure out
what
i am
looking for

i have this one
dream
from when i was little
i always remember it
it followed me
not only
through sleep
but the thumping
always
boom boom
in my
ear.

similiar dreams
always
have followed me
chasing dreams
a little double meaning
double
indeed.

i looked them up
googled em
and it revealed what
i thought
but yet
never
sat
and
thought
about it.

but then
it said
something
that just
opened
my eyes
my thoughts
and suddenly
that dream
when i was just a handful
starts
to make sense

great.

except
now
the bigger
challenge
is
interpreting
today's dreams
and finding
what it is
my id
subconscious
alternate
awareness
is trying
to teach me
warn me
inform me.

off to sleep
i must
find
my answers.
then
i can walk
my dreams.

what i want...

i call it a dream.
but some
think
dreams
are just that
unlivable
unreachable
something
to get you through
but
if something
is going
to get me through
my dream
is attainable
is reachable
and it is
what
i fight for.

sometimes
i have
these
wants
dreams
that are so
out there
but yet
so reachable
because
if you believe
and do
as you want
and desire
you can make it happen
yet
no one
else
listening
and wanting
and believing
can halt
progress
response
change
alertness.

thick headed
stubborn
unknowing
ignorance
is bliss
so
they say
but then
they say
many
things
that show
no bliss.

btw
i saw rosie
in israel?
cool
lucky gal
hope it
was
what
she hoped
it would
be.

so
back to
what i want
well
the beauty
queen
would say
world peace
yet
she wouldnt
know
what parts
of the world
and where
that
would be.

what i want
is
truth
and love
and peace
and understanding
respect
and passion
and everything
that fulfills
ones heart
ones life
ones desire.
for good
for harmony
for each other
we need
to work
together
dream
together
and fight
together.

what i want
is for you
to
want.

i dont get it

high
low
up
down

i dont get it

the higher my high
the harder my low

emotions
confusing
thats one
so many
all at once
too many
so few
with labels
and even
then
labels
never
mean
the same
you
me
angry
sad
only
we know
our
feeling
and the emotion
and chemical
balance
reaction
within us
the energy
the electricity
i know there is a P and K
something
our bodies
go through
waves
i
seem
to have
tsunamis
and then
calmness
still
before
the storm


jumping for joy
to crushed
i dont get it
but then
i feel
through it
remember
notate
and
i
grow
and
move
on.

shana tova

....open your mind...

how come there are so many people willing to suffer
so they get up and suffer every day
they think they were put on this earth to suffer
and by G-d they are going to suffer
until they suffer their lives away

how come so many are willing to say
there is no sense there is no plan
yet they will not believe
the ancient mysteries
passed down through time
into their hands

if my choice is dispair or wonder
on the line between
truth and belief
do i just let the tide take me under
or do i let the fascination come out
and rain all over me

open your
MINNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
you have been
BLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNDDDDD
imagine the answers or question
will be all you find
OPEN YOUR MIND

the grooves in my life are unforgiven
over the years i layed them down
night after night
working sleep working sleep working sleep working sleep working sleep work...
sufficating my delight
i was dragged into the light
into the stillness
into the wide hot flame of my depeest fears
and when i came crashing through
humbled and true
i was better than i'd been in years
if my choice
is end or beginning
in my perception between death and life
ill keep on with this message im sending
you may not know how or when
but dont you want to know why

OPEN YOUR MIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD
YOU HAVE BEEEN
BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNDDDDDDD
IMAGINE IMAGINE the answer or question
will be all you find
OPEN YOUR MIND



ooohhhh....

more philip
ooohhhhoohhhhooohhh (over philip)

OPEEEEEENNNN YOOOUURRRR MMIIIINNNNDDDDD
because you have been
BLIIIIINNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD
ooooooOOOooOOohhhh
OOOOoooOOoooOOoohhh
OOOOOoooeeoooOOHHHh
...amazing ooooaaahhhheeeooohhh's from the vocals of the ladies...

philip
mark
melissa
fritz
lily
bernie
jam
jam
sing
ooohhhhh
yyaaaaa!!!!

the awakening

i decided.

i should just blog things
most people might not
care to hear.

anyways
watching yahoo live sets
melissa etheridge
the awakening
she sure does
radiate
purity.

and
philip
my mr. hercules
amazing
electrifying
soul defying
harmony
balance
wow.

unexpected rain
let it pour

*** back to the show***

dude..this song rocks
all we can really do...
is love one another.

*** back to the show***

then...
there was
a simple love
...
between you and me.
simple.
cute.
on we go

sure seems
that melissa
read
and wrote
the
social
story
she
rocks
i
want
a
book
too.

ive said it all
about
kingdom of heaven
philip is
from some
glorious kingdom
along with melissa
and the entire
etheridge
clan
band
family
etc.

open your mind.
check.

did she call him sweat pea? ;)

Kingdom Of Heaven

*the way I hear it...*

a suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
held up a sign that said
G_d hates america
a child has been lost
a mother is shocked
and is grieving

and turning away
turning away

he said there is a love that is so hidious and destructive
we must drive it from earth
to save all of our children
he must know it well in the night
its the hell that he speaks of
that keeps him awake
keeps him awake
my G-d is love
my G-d is peace
my G-d loves you
my G-d loves me

a suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
he prayed in the dark
death to the infidel
he strapped on his desperate pain and his faith to his body
and blew them away
blew them away

<<<<<<*ABSOLUTELY INTENSIFIED ELECTRFIED CHILL BEARING GUITAR SOLO BY PHILIP SAYCE*>>>>>>>
nenenenenneneee

a suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
shouts on the news
they are the godless ones
the anger inside
and the fear that it hides never leave her
and the cameras are gone
when the cameras move on
ohhhh
people come on tell me where is your kingdom of heaven
where is your faith
where do you put your fear
do you have a price
for truth
and a price for believing
and heaven is here
heaven is here

my G_d is love
my G-d is peace
my G_d is you
my G-d is me.

***AMAZING... she is simply AMAZING... the process of he writing..BRILLIANT!!! the thoughts in her words... GENIUS!!!! ************

thank u. peace.

n o excuse.. but BUSY

hey. sorry its been a while
that i have not had a moment
tlm says 30 min
i think thats funny
she knows she needs
30 moments
quirky
smart.
brilliant.

anyhow
i hate to say
but ive been
busy
yes
that same
busy
that kept
me from
previous
blogs.
well,
hopefully this busy
will find time
to let me
have moments
to come here
and ramble

then again
ive also been rambling
more often
at the board
something
i had
not done
for many
moments
ago.

im finding the balance
it will be fine.

so
anyways
busy
it went
a little something
like this.
kel
yahoo sets
rabbi b
school
womens fest setup
school, ty and womens fest
EXHAUSTION
SLEEP
and then
it slowly
stopped
and came back
but not like before
because
now
i am
back in school
i am
more committed
dedicated
determined
and now
there is
a clearer
picture
of ahead
i see it
i have listened
i have learned
and i am ready
2L
big stuff
half way
need the push
to go
all the way

PLUS
there is football
yipee
on a fantasy
league
they have
my LT
*tear*
i will
get him back!

so
yes
i am back
to busy
but i am
ready
for
different
discipline
walking
the talk
and talking
the walk.
the light
needs
to be shed
carried
everywhere
across
to all.
one.
nation
under G-d
indivisible
with
liberty
and
justice
for all.

they are
too busy
fighting
over the
petty word
rather
than realizing
that what
they need
to fight for
is the words
and the meaning
and the belief
and the truth
behind it.

silly men
wasting time
diversion
untruth
hateful
bias
the haze
over
the mass
darkness

here comes
the light
and
her
chandelier
my group
my love
my life
light
bearers.
peace
and love

tomorrow

tomorrow
a new week
that starts
school
new goals
new hopes
new ways

everything
while
still the same
is so
different
change
the only
constant
i can see
all around me
awakening
touche

feelings
are
out of wack
something
strange
within me
this must be
second year
ptsd
or somethin
numbness
all around
emptyness
galore
motivation
drained
excitement
leaked
what
is
when
am
where
am i.

there is a big spider
on my wall
oh boy
a new dilemna
its all i needed
add it
to the list
oh boy
he got away
not good.
i said
oh boy
twice.
weird.

now im
at high
alert
spider
bite
my arse
eek.

back
to
tomorrow.

i have lots to do.
such a busy
telling
week.
but
i am going
to prove
them all
so wrong
and me
so right
that
i
can
commit
perform
outdo
em all.

tomorrow.
i say
bring
it
on.

mommy

my mom
is ima
my sis
types it
ema
technically,
its ima.

however.
whatever.

she is my light
the woman who
gave me life
created me
a seed
that grew
inside her
all that i am
because of her
through her
part of her.

whenever i speak
of my mother
i always
feel
love
and pain
fear
and
sadness.
she did
so well
all along
kindness
love
passion
all
embraced
embodied
passed on
from her.

i do not
at all
blame her
for believing
the things
that she was taught
because
some things
as much sense as they make
can not be
countered
because
thats
what
they
say.

a wedge
this truth
slammed
between us
and a wall
put
between
us.
more of
a fence
with windows.

i want
so badly
no longer
to split
our hearts
our lives
our beings
i am me
unique
different
but
i am
an extension
of you
your spirit
the spark
of my own
and never
no matter what
ever
can
anything
but you
be
the part
the it
the me.

my mom
i am your daughter
proud
loved
and
always
loving
you
forever
true
i am
all that you
wanted for me
i just
changed
the names
genders
roles
but
everything
my dream
yours
is true
is here
is mine
part
of you.

i need you
i always will
i love you
the first
woman
to have
my heart
teach
learn
need
you.

when it doesnt matter...

it is so weird
when you get to the point
where you know
that something
that was
really
a big
matter
doesnt
really
matter.

one part of you knows
recognizes
hey
isnt this
something that you
always
felt
so much
for
and
it
mattered
so

but then
the other part
the new part
grown
wise
accepts
that we have grown
and those feelings
do not
need
to be pulled
out
once more
because
the hole
is filled
there is
no void.
serenity.

i realize
that i
never looked
to the future
jealous
of age
rather
i lived
today
in the
age
and
mind
of my body
and
i experienced
my moment
my day
my life.

now
i sit
and wonder
how do i deal
with the fact
that i recognize
these feelings
and remember
the feeling
yet
know that
they are not
feelings
i care
to have.

personal conflicts
and conflicts of interest
it makes sense
to me
i hope
it made sense to me.
stupid mpre.

so i will
not see
her
when
all of them
will
but
to me
i will be
where i need to be
and if
that means
seeing
her
than
so be it
either way
ill
know
that i
can live
without
those
feelings.
sorry
those
who cant.
but just remember
it doesnt
matter.

yes, I know...

i say that a lot.
i wonder if
maybe its because
everyone thinks
i dont know
but i just dont see it
as anything more
than an acknowledgment
of understanding
between
two.

i know the way
the strings are pulled
the way the gears turn
in this enviroment
this atmosphere
this society

its a business.
everything is
each person
an organization
of thoughts, believes, views
and ways of living
influenced
compromised
sold
for ownself
personal
profit
big corp
buying
us
selling
ourselves
freedom
means
free
means
u get nothing
out of it.
somewhere
freedom
is making
the rich
man
richer
and the poor
man
poorer.
this is not right
and all the while
messing
with poorm's value
self worth
morals
ethics
behavior
living
life
ways.

its enough.
its time
for the truth.
what is truth
truth truly is relative
but to me
i define it
as no lies
up front
knowledge
so that each
person
on their own
may decide
the truth
of their opinions
beliefs
views
and stand up
for themself
and be ok
with who
they are
how
they are
why
they are.

for me
wealth is required
but it is never
the reason
or motivation
peace
rules
trumps all
tranquility
and love
in essence
G-d.

yes, i know...

my school

my school gave me the chance
then they tried to take it away
i must now stand up
and fight
and prove
that there
is reason
to believe
in me
my future
my value.

my school
may not be
great
or something
special
but my school
is my school
and they
took me
as i was
and now
they
realize
it may be
different

but
you know what
thats ok
i have two years
to shape their minds
their thoughts
and ideas
and spread the light
justice
equality
really
to everyone

and when
they go on
and serve
the public
and the
people
and represent
equality
justice
fairness
they will
have
the light
in them
the gates
open
ideas
outside
the lines
and boxes
colors
galore.

this is my school
this is my duty
this is my commitment.

i want to lead
well
i have no map
and here i am
i am either
going to get lost
or step up
take a stand
and follow
my
guiding
light.

my school
i must love
because
my school
loves
me.

no..i am not...

its gloomy out
so is my mood.
a down day
more like
down moment.

i just sit
and i wonder
and i think
and i just
dont understand
what it is
i am
supposed
to be.

if i could
step out
of my body
be the fly
that broke in
watching me
judging me
examining me
analyzing
intrepretting
the things
i can not
stop doing
always
doing.

when people
constantly
cant quite
figure you out
at some point
you must say
hmmm
thats a lot of them
and only one of me
so maybe
what it is
is right here
within.

but
i
like
me.
mostly.

i am sweet
and yet
bitter
say some.
i am giving
yet then
accused
of taking.
i am everything
and at the same time
i am nothing.
anything.
something
someday
hopefully
must be
waiting
patiently
is it
honestly
is it
free?

like the
lovers quarral
one big burst
a moment
never to be
taken back.
a moment
to linger
and tear
creating
fear
questioning
what is
the love
the lust
the desire
between
the two.

today
i am
just
gloomy
like the sky
but
as i see
the sun
make its way
heating up
clouds vanishing
gloom ending
the opening
the sunshine
the heat
the light
the love
warming
me
my body
my spirits
my mind.

i just
need
to find
my purpose
my reason
my need
stick to it
nothing
in the way
destiny
awaits.

...keepin cool...

sometimes
it
just
sucks
having
to
keep
it
cool.

stress. i think i figured it out
that is what
i hide
and am
not
intouch with.

because
i never really "feel" stressed
its not really an emotion
and feeling
that i can pinpoint
yet
how
can i
not be
with all
that happens?

so, maybe
it is the stress
hidden
and popping out
with certain things
i do
that i
dont get.

the unconscious
subconscious
controlling
consciously.

everyone
is always
stressed
but i
dont ever
say
that i
am stressed.
people expect me to be
but i dont express it.
or do i?

first year of school
came and went
the toughest
most stressful
of the three
yet
all along
stressed
i was not.
then again
writing papers
nights before
studying for finals
all night through
is that you stress
driving me
fueling me

people stress me out
that is for sure
thats why
i have
so few
people

i can not function
when there is no balance
in the relationships
friendships
family
that i
call
my own.

maybe
i should
be stressed more
than
i wouldnt
have to
try
so hard
to keep it cool

so much focus
concern
fear
letting my needs
my obligations
my self
come first
at the expense
of others
not worrying
that they have
their happy
even though
it equates
my own
happy.

i can not
say no
because
it doesnt
go
with me.
i say no
only
when
i think
it
affects
you.
you say no
because
you
misread
me.

my biggest struggle
i always said
was me
i am
my own
worst enemy
and now
its done
i am
taking
control
no more
war
within
between
self
now
its just
me
and my line
my goal
my word.

i
am
keepin
it cool
and now
i wont
just keep it
i will free it
and escape
cool
hot
just
as meant
to be.

thoughts

its so interesting.
when i realize
that i am quite blessed
and know happiness

i do not need
fancy technology
i dont want designers
sharing my budget
shaping my identity

how am i
who i am.

i have a mind
full of
thoughts
like a freeway
one not near LA
where cars just zoom by
safely
they speed along
each car
an idea
a little story
contained within
and some of these
cars stop
and play
the thought
through
my mind.

sometimes
they are dreams
sometimes
answers
always
analyzed
discussed
surfaced.

i wonder
if i feel
so in touch
what must be
so deep
that it
is not found
not known
not controlling
but
the presence
nonetheless
so hidden
unknown
an impact
gaining
i hope
maybe
it can be
that all
that haunts
and plagues
me
i do know
i deal with
everyday
and that
the existence
of the hidden
is only
a thought.

emptyness

today is a quiet day.
its friday
my mind must be exhausted
what a week
so, i really
dont have
anything
to ramble
on about
except
nothing

most people love fridays. its not one of my favorites. weird.
but, i dont work, 8-5. so i guess, if my friday
were friday
id like
friday.

all these labels
we have
for everything
as i sit here
with my
backwards
bandana
a new style
trying it
hilarious.

i have a friend
she drips light
she rocks
howdy friend
its ok
our dreams
will happen
however
we
dream
them
not
how
another
even
eachother.

visiting my parents tonight
i love my parents
my mom
struggle
power
control
image
love
all
always
there
but
not.

<3 my ima.

so
as i said
my mind
is not
jumping
topic to topic
today
its quiet
its time
to rest.

tgif
have a great weekend
peace n love