moving..marriage... honeymoon...school

not exactly in the order, but quite mixed together. that has been my world for the past few weeks. chaos. bliss. so many emotions, all rolled together. what the biggest lesson learned is that no matter what, how big the feeling, you can not live on should have. so no matter what happens, what SHOULD have been done, its past us, and out of our control. we can control what we do now, and how we respond to it, and how we continue. dwelling on it only dampers our now, and then later will just be another should have. "I should have gotten over that months ago." should haves. one of our vows, is to cut out the should haves. im sorry if i should have, but i didnt, i will work hard so i dont forget again. and its over, and we move on, until the next shoulda have moment, in which we wont even ponder, becuase we dont let the should haves in.

some should haves are much more serious. but if they are that important, and necessary, then there is the now to correct it. and you can. so dont say i should call, i should call, either call or shut up about it. yes, it is that simple. you control your every moment, and if you live in yesterday, you will never enjoy today, and you wont be looking forward to tomorrow. it must be why we dont drive our cars in reverse... hmm... who woulda thunk it.

soo.. now that all my chaos is calming, and i find myself with time, i ponder what SHOULD i do now... and i find a way to not ;)

*peace n love*

WoW... what do you say to this...

On a childs TV show
the favorite character was attacked
brutully
and murdered
and the children think
it was the israelis
and they wonder

i can only imagine
what would happen
if one day
on noggin
or sprout
in the middle of the goodnight show
out came elmo
happy as can be
to suddenly be murdered
in front of their young eyes
trauma
stress
hate

i love children
children love
children
are our future
they are innocent
until proven guilty
or in their case
forced out
of innocence
tested
adoloscence
mistakes
decisions
choices
directions
lost
but never forgotten
always forgiven

some of the children
grow young and fast
and develop into adults
sometimes sooner than they desired
sometimes it is stunted too greatly
you have adults
with such childlike tendencies
with grown up words
and grown up toys
and grown up hate
but inside
they are still
the injured child
traumatized
scrutinized
afraid

if you compare the children of the world
and the life they endure
the world of their upbringing
not chosen by them
there is no choice
when you are born
who you are born
where you are born
that is what makes children children
they have yet to make their own choices
and until they are capable
they are dependant
on the adults
to properly choose
for them

these proper choices seem to be diminishing
the world extinguishing
and the adults
are more and more
just children
stuck in the trauma of their life
of their upbringing
not of their choice

the only war worth fighting
is the one that saves the children today
rather than destroying their tomorrow

anonymity

i cant even spell it.

sometimes, you just want to speak, with only the thoughts and ideas in your mind, but you dont want people to gather a misconception, or maybe even a perception of who they think i am. why am i so afraid to let someone classify me in their own way? after all, by classifying and grouping, that is how people stay comfortable. maybe i dont like comfort, i know ive been testing the limits since before i knew that there were any.

weddings. now theres an experience. its amazing what one night of chaos can change in u. everything is the same and at the same time, everything is different. then theres the honeymoon. a time when you are supposed to bond and become one... you know a wedding is way overdue when that is accomplished and done and overdone. but bonding is never done, it continues every day and every moment. two souls become one, yet it takes eternity for them to consist of only 1.

so much is happening in the world right now. i dont expose myself much, or hardly at all, which may not be the best thing. i just can handle it though. watching as the media continues to run this land. The smarter man develops, the more brainwashed society becomes. watching this destruction, the loss of faith and a higher sense of trust, i cant handle not changing it. so i have accepted that there is a major responsibility that needs to be taken by someone, and i am prepared to sacrifice and do what is necsesary so that i can do my part. when in your spare time your mind wanders to ways to fix the government, the schools, the world we are putting our chilren in... you know that your higher purpose awaits. so many ideas flooding your mind, the different ways each of us makes our difference. catch the thought that makes you happiest, and follow it. the only rule is do what makes you happy, and harm no one in the process.

i was taught very young that my duty is to live my life doing good and walking the word of the Higher Power...and now the time has come for me to fulfill my duty, and to create the path that will bring the best of what i have been blessed with.

this is the time to step up, stop the excuses, and just DO. wish me luck. this is now the next chapter.